Becoming

Definition of BECOME

intransitive verb
1a : to come into existence
1b : to come to be
2 : to undergo change or development

Related Words: alter, change, metamorphose, modify, mutate, transfigure, transform, transmute
Near Antonyms: abide, be, continue, linger, remain, stay

Tonight it hit me. In one moment, the culmination of hours of labor and nine months of pregnancy, I will become a mother. Sure, you could count these past eight months as parenting in a way, but in the moment of birth, a new life begins and another lifestyle ends.

Ideally we should always be 'becoming' something different-- always learning, growing, changing. But the realization that I toss out into the void tonight is more drastic than that picture. Transformation, alteration, these are permanent and lasting changes.

Of course I know that becoming parents will change our lives forever, but the sheer reality of that fact is settling in to stay. Maybe now that we're down to the final days until Baby B will be considered "full term" I'm finally allowing myself to ponder. I've been focusing so much on the pregnancy and trying to get through all the changes associated, I haven't fully considered the right of passage that we are about to go through.

I love this unborn child more than I thought possible, but if I'm truly honest, part of me is mourning already for what will have been. Selfish things of course-- independence, free time, unlimited husband-time-- that will soon vanish and be replaced with altogether opposite things. I find myself almost wanting to linger in this currently uncomfortable, yet familiar state of pregnancy to delay this inevitable loss of what my life has been to this point. It sounds drastic, but just as in marriage, when our lives become so intertwined with another, it is impossible to remain unchanged.

As daunting and scary as this sounds to me right now, I want to embrace this transformation and absorb the weight of it-- both now and as I go through the work of bringing Baby B into this world. When the labor pains have ceased and the infant's breathing has begun, I am a mother.