"The Greatest Challenge in the World"

Three years ago if you had asked me, "What is the greatest challenge in the world?", my response would likely have been something about disaster preparedness or rebuilding New Orleans after Katrina. My life used to be about that... helping families recover and become whole again after their world was swept away in a storm. Louisianians have a very strong sense of family which influenced my husband and I to return home to be with our families when we found out that our Munchkin would be part of our lives.

Now, I'm part of a blogging book study and Chapter 1 of Gary Thomas' book, Sacred Marriage, is entitled, "The Greatest Challenge in the World." Anyone can be married, but what does it mean to have a sacred marriage?

As I was reading this first chapter, four little words came back to haunt me from another book study I did years ago while living in Colorado. "It's not about me." Uggh, my selfishness rears its ugly head... again. The world doesn't actually revolve around ME or MY life at all.

The subtitle of this book is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" This rings true with the imagery we have in the Bible of marriage symbolizing the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church. I'm glad that the author doesn't exclude happiness from the equation completely because the Bible is essentially one giant love story between the Creator God and the people He created. He delights in his people and rejoices over them with singing as it says in Zephaniah 3:17.

This book study also coincides with a study through my church in which we are discussing "heart-idols." How often do I rely on my husband for things that only God can provide? More than I'd like to admit to myself. I don't want to idolize my husband or our marriage, but when I allow the busyness of life to drown out the still, small voice of a God who is whispering His love for me, that's exactly what happens.

I thank God every day for the amazing husband that Karl is and for bringing us together. I pray that participating in this study will force me to take time to be still, reflect, learn and grow into a more godly woman and wife.

Beginning Again

Only a mere 9 months or so has passed since my last post. Yikes! Baby B, our dear, sweet girl has filled our home with more joy than we ever dreamed possible. Annabelle Grace, how much you have changed our lives and how much we love it!

I'm starting this blogging adventure again so that I can participate in a blogging book study. We'll be reading Sacred Marriage and sharing our thoughts. Here's to having more than 13 posts this year!

To the surface

This blog has been essentially inactive, aside from random comments from one Bob Podgurski, for quite some time.

My life has changed... in just a few ways. The most recent is that Karl and I are having a baby, due December 14. And so another chapter begins.

I won't promise to keep this up to date, and I doubt anyone will read this anyway, but tonight, with the rest of the world fast asleep, I felt the need to write once more.

Becoming

Definition of BECOME

intransitive verb
1a : to come into existence
1b : to come to be
2 : to undergo change or development

Related Words: alter, change, metamorphose, modify, mutate, transfigure, transform, transmute
Near Antonyms: abide, be, continue, linger, remain, stay

Tonight it hit me. In one moment, the culmination of hours of labor and nine months of pregnancy, I will become a mother. Sure, you could count these past eight months as parenting in a way, but in the moment of birth, a new life begins and another lifestyle ends.

Ideally we should always be 'becoming' something different-- always learning, growing, changing. But the realization that I toss out into the void tonight is more drastic than that picture. Transformation, alteration, these are permanent and lasting changes.

Of course I know that becoming parents will change our lives forever, but the sheer reality of that fact is settling in to stay. Maybe now that we're down to the final days until Baby B will be considered "full term" I'm finally allowing myself to ponder. I've been focusing so much on the pregnancy and trying to get through all the changes associated, I haven't fully considered the right of passage that we are about to go through.

I love this unborn child more than I thought possible, but if I'm truly honest, part of me is mourning already for what will have been. Selfish things of course-- independence, free time, unlimited husband-time-- that will soon vanish and be replaced with altogether opposite things. I find myself almost wanting to linger in this currently uncomfortable, yet familiar state of pregnancy to delay this inevitable loss of what my life has been to this point. It sounds drastic, but just as in marriage, when our lives become so intertwined with another, it is impossible to remain unchanged.

As daunting and scary as this sounds to me right now, I want to embrace this transformation and absorb the weight of it-- both now and as I go through the work of bringing Baby B into this world. When the labor pains have ceased and the infant's breathing has begun, I am a mother.

Co-Founder of St. Bernard Project, Liz McCartney, honored as 2008 CNN Hero of the Year!

Watch it on CNN tonight at 10 pm Eastern, Friday or Saturday at 8 pm Eastern. The honor comes with $125,000 which will rebuild 10 families' homes! Thanks to all who voted her in and congratulations Liz!

A page is turned...

Where do I begin to tell this story? It's the one that every girl dreams of and leads up to a day spent wearing a white dress and catching the eye of the man anxiously waiting at the other end of the aisle. It's the kind of story that should offer us a glimpse of God's love for his bride, the Church.

It's difficult to comprehend that the events of the past year would lead me to so much blessing—in many things, but most incredibly in Karl Bontrager. He has a generous, servant heart and truly loves me for who God made me to be. His love for the Lord flows joyfully into the lives of everyone around him and I am fortunate to be one of those people he naturally encourages and supports along the way.

As you can probably guess from the photo to the left (that was NOT staged), there is a beautiful, sparkly ring inside that little white box--one that now resides permanently and quite happily on my left hand. How did we get to this point, you ask? Here's my version of the story.

The Meeting
I met Karl on my first day in New Orleans after making the move from Colorado in September of 2007. Two friends, Jeff and Janell, that I knew through Habitat had also felt led to leave their Fort Collins home (in my neighborhood) to spend a year rebuilding in New Orleans. We made our plans simultaneously without knowing it and finally discovered a few weeks before their departure that we'd be serving in the greater New Orleans area--them with Mercy Response and the Vineyard Church, myself with the St. Bernard Project (SBP).

When my brother, Gordon, and I planned our route, we timed it so we could attend church at the Vineyard where Jeff and Janell had arrived to work a week prior. In the parking lot they introduced us to Karl from Columbus who had just completed his 6th trip to New Orleans since Katrina, quit his job as a Lighting Engineer (the day before), and decided to stay on as a long-term volunteer. We all went to lunch, during which time I learned he was a Bengals fan and therefore immediately removed him from my mental list of 'possible suitors.' As a brand new Volunteer Coordinator, I did suggest that SBP would have plenty of work and gave him my phone number.

A few weeks later, in typical New Orleans fashion, he used that number to invite me to Cafe du Monde for coffee and beignets. When he suggested via email that we continue to get to know each other, I followed up with a pseudo-rejection, citing another relationship. He appreciated my honesty and we moved on as friends.

As the next six months went by, I saw him here or there and began to discern that there was something very joyful and unique about him. I found myself secretly wishing that he would be around when I got together with my fellow Coloradoans and tried to disguise my own disappointment from myself when he wasn't. This became harder to deny when his time in New Orleans was drawing to a close. He kept me in the loop as his plans to move on--to Tulsa, OK--were finalized. We agreed that we should have coffee again, one last time.

The Leaving
We met on Magazine St. and he drove me home. We talked about keeping in touch and I wondered if we would. The day he left, I found out through this text message, "I'll be back for you... I mean, I'll be back. Ahem :)" I remembering thinking to myself, "That's rather bold... he's layin' his cards out on the table. Interesting!"

We did keep in touch through text messages and a random phone call over the next few months. We lived parallel lives in different cities: church-hunting, moving, unpacking, and relating our experiences all the way. The first Sunday in Tulsa he learned of another trip to New Orleans and informed his boss he would need to take off from work to participate in June on his 9th trip. We determined that another coffee excursion would be in order and planned from there. The days and weeks went by, with many text messages, but he did call to see if I would actually go out on a date with him while he was in town. (Can you go out on a date when you’re on a mission trip?) I remember thinking, “I’m really glad he called to ask me that.” This time there was no rejection plan on my end.

The Reunion

I’m not sure when the pieces of the puzzle started to come together for me, but I can safely say that by the time I finally saw him in June, a greater appreciation was growing between us.

With the rest of his team, we served dinner to some of the homeless population in New Orleans on the first evening he was back in town. His “quick to serve” instinct was in full force. The meal ended in a prayer circle and as he grabbed my hand for the first time, I distinctly remember thinking how glad I was that prayer was the cause of our first physical contact.

The next night it was time for our date on which he guided me along a series of undisclosed locations with clues --Juan’s Flying Burrito, Café Beignet, and a stroll around the French Quarter. We laughed, learned, and listened a lot that night. It left me curious, wanting to more fully understand his story.

By the time the weekend ended, we had seen each other three times and discussed our mutual desire to actively pursue whatever God had for us. Yet another opportunity soon presented itself to meet at a Jeremy Camp concert over July 4th weekend. Leading up to that reunion was a lot more serious discussion along with some intense question and answer sessions. It was refreshing and confirming to be honest and have a peace about what we were sharing.

The weeks finally passed by and I arrived at the July 4th show for my first, true backstage experience. During the concert, a new feeling washed over me along with the familiar music. As we watched from the crowd together, I was able to fully worship with him beside me. Karl’s presence didn’t distract me, but supported and encouraged me to enter into the Lord’s presence. We sat there, together, soaking it all in and breathing deep His peace and love. Later that night, I accepted his request and officially became his girlfriend. (See above.)

I could easily spend hours writing about the ways the Lord continued to work in our lives, allowing us more opportunities to get to know each other, but I will limit it to a few.

The Applications

During an evening phone conversation shortly after we 'made it official,' I warned Karl that my family and close friends serve as the screening committee for all serious relationships. He, being the quick-witted guy that he is, asked a simple question-- "Well, in that case, is there an application for me to complete?" This opened the door for a bright idea that would occupy some of my time while sequestered in Baton Rouge at a training. I was inspired by my witty friend, Jen Stewart, who had created an application seeking dates for the various and sundry weddings she attended last summer. Starting with her format, I began to craft Karl's application, complete with short answer, multiple choice, and essay questions. He completed all 40-some questions within 36 hours and wanted more! So, we opened it up to the family and friends for their input. The application became over 100 questions, thanks to their submittals, and Karl created one for me as well. They ranged in seriousness from, "What's your favorite character in 'I Love Lucy'?" to "Who is God to you?" Once completed, both applications filled more than 35 pages! It was an incredible exercise and one I would highly recommend! We read the answers to each other and submitted them to the screening committees for approval.

Evacuation Vacation and Music Builds

I visited Karl in Tulsa at the beginning of August before he started the Music Builds tour with Third Day, Switchfoot, and Jars of Clay. Soon after that visit, we learned that the tour manager considered it a 'wash' as to whether she put Karl up in a hotel in Nashville for his days off or flew him to New Orleans! Every Monday for six weeks he was scheduled to arrive in NOLA and leave each Wednesday to meet up with the rest of the tour. When the first show in Florida was canceled, I was frustrated because he had no reason to fly to New Orleans the first week. I sulked a little, but quickly realized after keeping up with the weather that it would be in my favor that Karl was still at home in Tulsa. On the anniversary of Katrina, August 29th, I began my Hurricane Gustav evacuation journey and made my way north to Oklahoma. Evacuating was, by far, one of the most stressful things I've ever done alone and I was never so glad to see Karl's welcoming face, at the end of my drive. As my sister said, "God canceled a whole concert for you!" There was nothing more comforting than being with Karl as we watched, waited, and prayed about the future of New Orleans and the Gulf. His heart is tied to the work there and could completely and easily relate to my perspective on the situation. It also provided an opportunity for him to see me under major stress. :)

When the time came to re-enter New Orleans after Gustav, he was able to take time off due to a break in the tour schedule, and make the drive back with me. This was a tremendous blessing as I was dreading the thought of making that same trip alone, again. We made it safely and he pitched in like he had always worked with us to put our office and our sites back together again, doing whatever needed to be done. Then he started volunteering as a plumber! When the tour resumed, he flew to New Orleans every Monday, scouted his plumbing job after I picked him up at the airport, worked Tuesday and most of Wednesday, until he had to jump back on another plane to rejoin the tour. He spent his 'days off' plumbing our houses with other SBP staff and volunteers for the next 5 weeks. (When he fell asleep in the chair next to my desk, I knew he needed a real day off.)

The Friends and Family Tour

While the applications seemed to pass with flying colors, there was still the actual meeting of family to be done. This was quickly accomplished as he toured--my sister, Rhonda; and her daughters, Kayla, and Maddie on opening night in Detroit and the Colorado crew on the final night in Denver (Marcie, Zach, Kristin (and Boston), BJ, Kelli, Ciera, and Celeste)--all without me.

Fortunately for me, one of Karl's trips coincided with my brother-in-law's trip to New Orleans. Carl, Cindy and their newest bundle of joy, Emma Joy, spent a week visiting and getting to know Karl as well. We asked them to talk through some common premarital counseling topics with us to be sure we were on the same page from their outside perspective. We also enjoyed the time together, visiting a plantation, riding the ferry, and eating lots of good NOLA food. Their conclusion was that Karl and I are very well-suited for each other. :)

So, that almost brings us up to date. I think I will let you hear from him about the rest of this chapter. Stay tuned for the details from Karl on his proposal.

Passing the Test

While at the Democratic National Convention, Mayor Nagin commented about incoming Gustav,
"This will be a good test for us, I wish we didn't have to go through this test, and I hope this thing veers at the last minute, because right now, these are the best levees that we have."

I'm grateful to say that the levees did hold and the storm cooperated. St. Bernard and New Orleans were spared the severe damage we saw just three years ago in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

When I watched Nagin's interview with Anderson Cooper from Denver last week, I wasn't sure what I thought of his word choice... 'test.' Now that we're through it, I can see a different perspective.

Passing the test of Hurricane Gustav could propel the much needed rebuilding work that is still leftover from Katrina. New Orleans and Louisiana have proven that lessons were, in fact, learned and that state and local and even federal governments can effectively evacuate over 2 million people in the face of disaster.

My personal prayers revolved around people this time, not the weather-- for evacuees and officials to be clear-headed, making good decisions. I think these prayers (and many others) were answered.

In our own staff at the St. Bernard Project, I can see the unity forming as we pulled together and prepared for the worst, while hoping and rejoicing when those efforts became unnecessary. Storms and tests are scary, but sometimes essential to taking the next step.

Zack, one of our directors and co-founders, has also started to blog. Here's his perspective.